The Kelty Story
By Kerry Dennehy
Part 1
Teenage suicide and depression obviously has a dramatic effect on families, friends and communities. Ginny and Kerry Dennehy, Kelty's parents, are devoted to sharing their experiences with others to help educate and thereby reduce the tragedy of teenage suicide. Kerry shares his son's poignant story with courage and hope...
A small granite tablet in a quiet corner of the Whistler Cemetery marks the last resting place of our son. It reads, "Our Beautiful Boy", Kelty Patrick Dennehy, Nov. 23/83 - Mar 02/01. We were proud to have him in the same row with some of Whistler's early pioneers and legends, Myrtle Philip, Jean Tapley and Dave Murray, giving evidence to the fact that some souls live to a ripe old age and some are taken well before their time.
Kelty suffered from depression, which cast a cloud over his life that proved to be unmanageable. Kelty's friends, family, doctors and psychologists were never able to access, understand or manage his depression. Depression is a disease so insidious that only those who have suffered its depths can describe the loss of self, the loss of hope, and the blackness that snuffs out every ray of light.
Why depression strikes and manifests itself in certain individuals is largely a mystery. Studies indicated that Kelty fit a certain stereotype - a stereotype that most would be surprised to find was high risk for suicide.
Early childhood and youth painted the picture of a fairly typical boy who was average in school, loved sports and got along well with his peers. Kelty seemed to be a well-adjusted all around, likable kid, accepting the bumps and grinds of everyday living. My wife and I are from big, close families and we tried to give him all the love and attention we enjoyed in our own families. We played roles in coaching and supporting his soccer, baseball and hockey teams.
Kelty's first quantum leap into cultural shock came when he insisted that he enroll in Saskatchewan's Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a private Jesuit school known for its high standards of academics and sports. At first Kelty had trouble adjusting and raised a fuss about coming home. Towards the end of the year he finally settled in and produced good showings on his report card and on the ice with the bantam hockey team.
Part 2
Kelty returned home to a summer job as a golf cart attendant at the Chateau Whistler Golf Course. That summer he announced he would like to return to Whistler Secondary School for grade 11. He certainly had developed maturity at Notre Dame, a place where he learned his position in the hierarchy quickly, a place where he cleaned dorms and washed pots, a place where attendance at church and Christian Studies was mandatory.
All seemed to be going smoothly and we took our family on a cruise through the Panama Canal. It was there that Kelty suffered from a paranoia anxiety attack. Having never had an indication of anything like this before, we were just as shocked and distressed as he was. Kelty lay low for a couple of days and with the help of the resident priest and the ship's doctor was able to function again well enough to finish the cruise. That year he went on to complete Grade 11 with top marks and graduation honors.
Several times we asked Kelty if he had any recurring incidents. He preferred to downplay it but admitted that he feared the anxiety attack might return.
He had a terrific winter with his many friends, snow boarding, playing Midget hockey, partying and driving our cars - in a responsible way. That summer he again returned to his summer job at the Chateau Whistler where he had the opportunity to hone his promising golf game.
Surprisingly, he announced that he wished to return to Notre Dame for Grade 12. He said he wanted to rekindle the bonds with his classmates and achieve some of the academic goals that would send him off to Bishop's University. He knew Bishop's had high standards so Kelty progressed from an average student to what some would call an over achiever. His nickname at Notre Dame was "crazy" because he would get up so early to study. As well, he represented Notre Dame on the school golf team, playing in the Saskatchewan Provincials. Knowing he would never make the NHL, Kelty settled for assistant captain on the Notre Dame junior "C" team and traveled throughout the province enjoying both the game and the camaraderie.
Part 3
At Christmas we took a vacation in Mexico that the whole family enjoyed. The first indication that Kelty's problems were reoccurring was as he was preparing to return to Notre Dame. He had done well at school, except in Math, which he was planning to repeat. Almost as soon as he returned, his mood changed. He became anxious about things in general, worrying about school, his mother's job, his father's well being, his grandfather, his sister and his uncle's bout with cancer. His anxiety led to lack of sleep, then a lack of focus, as he seemed to spiral down into depression. We encouraged him to open up to his house parent, his peers, and his religion. We set him up with a counselor and had him checked by a doctor.
Nothing seemed to help as he spiraled downward. He pleaded with us to come out and be with him. The pleading turned to begging as the phone calls, often mixed with tears and despondency, were increased to 3 and 4 times a day. We finally agreed that I would go out for a weekend.
I greeted him, realizing how much he needed me. We holed up in a motel room and went over his despondency. Here is my son - big, strong, beautiful hockey player and leader, fine student, good looking and charismatic, a kid who loves humor and goofing around with friends - weeping on my shoulder in a motel room in Regina, asking me what's wrong with him. Why can't he just be his normal self? Why can't he sleep or concentrate? Why was this black dog called depression so relentlessly attacking him? I was devastated and tried my best to accept what he said and to lead him out of harm's way. We prayed together, made up workbooks and a diary to help him objectify the situation. We went to the best restaurants, laughed when we could, and I treated him to some new hockey gear... anything that he wanted. When the time came for me to return to Vancouver it felt more like abandonment. As soon as I arrived home he was on the telephone to my wife, asking to come home - at least for a visit
Part 4
We tried reasoning but realized from Kelty's tone of voice that he was very desperate. So we decided that my wife, Ginny, would make the trip to Notre Dame. She went through many of the same things I did. By that time, Kelty was on antidepressants, which we were told, would take several weeks to take effect. Ginny reluctantly left Kelty, soon followed by his relentless calls to return home.
Kelty was desperate in his attempts to stop the downward spiral of depression, so we agreed to a five-day trial return home. Back in Whistler, he seemed calmer but exhausted. We were told to encourage exercise and his many friendships, so he spent the next few days snow boarding surrounded by his Whistler chums (male and female). The five days soon ended and he pleaded for us to let him stay. He said, "I just need to be in a safe place." In fact he broke down in the car one day and said "Dad, I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to be a normal kid like I was before. Dad, hide the guns. I am not kidding. Hide the guns. Dad you have to let me stay. I can't go back."
I too broke down, knowing he was in such serious trouble that we had to have him close to us. I agreed to keep him here. I made him promise me that he would be safe if he stayed home. I promised him that he would get better with the antidepressants and the love and nurturing provided by his family and friends. Neither of us kept our promise.
I hung a cross in the place where Kelty took his life, and I often look up at it and ask "Why"? I think of what could have been. I think of his pain and suffering. The only way he could think to end the pain was to end his life. His defenses were so low - his resistance none.
Our beautiful daughter Riley wanted to continue her brother's tradition and asked to go to Notre Dame for grade 10. She has just returned for Thanksgiving, five days early. All the girls did. They were sent home because a depressed classmate took her own life in the dormitory washroom. Teenage suicide has reached epidemic proportions.
We have to help save some of these young lives.